no panic, just peace

One of my clients died recently.

He was referred to me through a friend to do end-of-life planning. An earlier cancer experience had caused him to retire from his career, though he was still working as a consultant. Knowing that his cancer was likely to return, he felt compelled to get his affairs in order to ensure that his family would be protected.

He was an incredibly kind and thoughtful person, and I thoroughly enjoyed our planning sessions together. When he received word that they had found cancer elsewhere in his body, he reached out right away. From that moment, he became determined to complete every part of his plan.

This morning, I reread his feedback form and was struck by one of his entries:

"Following a major health event a few years ago, I needed to get better organized beyond an updated will and powers of attorney for the benefit of my family and executor. Some of this was emotional but it started important conversations and was very helpful. I was fortunate to have completed all of this when I was 'healthy' and, when a subsequent major health crisis hit recently, I was not panicked and felt more in control of what I needed to do for the benefit of my wife and family."

When we first started our work together, my client was like 69% of Canadians who have outdated wills and powers of attorney. He also fell into another troubling statistic—among the 65% of Canadians who had never had conversations with their children about money and the transfer of wealth.

But after? Everything had changed. He had updated his will and power of attorney. His financial assets were properly secured for their beneficiaries. Most importantly for him, he took care of the little things that he knew would most support his wife and children: naming a friend to take care of the ceremony of life, writing down instructions for taking care of the cottage, and having the conversations that he wanted—needed—to have with family and friends.

The power of his preparation revealed itself in his own reflection: "when a subsequent major health crisis hit recently, I was not panicked and felt more in control of what I needed to do for the benefit of my wife and family."

Think about that for a moment. When facing his mortality—when most of us would be overwhelmed by fear and chaos—he felt calm and in control. Why? Because the heavy lifting was done. The agonizing decisions had already been made. Instead of scrambling to protect his family while battling illness, he could focus entirely on what mattered most: being present with the people he loved.

 This is where the stark reality hits: 70% of Canadians avoid estate planning entirely, despite knowing how crucial it is. I get it, I really do. These conversations force us to confront our own mortality. They require difficult decisions about who gets what, awkward family discussions about money, and the uncomfortable task of imagining a world without us in it.

But here's what my client taught me: avoiding these conversations doesn't make death less certain, it just makes it more devastating for those we leave behind. When I think about this experience, I cannot imagine a greater final act of love for his family than the gift of preparation he gave them. 

Estate planning is the biggest and most complex transaction of your life. Do not leave it up to chance.